I recently had a second interview with a company I was really excited about.  I had two senior people in my network send my resume to the CEO so when the Recruiter/HR lead reached out I was super excited.  It worked!

The first conversation went swimmingly.  She mentioned that the CEO was eager to know if she had spoken to me yet which made me feel desired to begin with.  It set the tone for the rest of the conversation which flowed.  It felt authentic.  She was genuinely interested in me and I was genuinely interested in the company and eager to showcase how my skills would be a tremendous asset.

I was pleased when she emailed me a day later to set up some time for a “second round” with the Head of HR.  I scheduled it for that very next day.  I looked up her background and saw that she had an MA in Organizational Psychology and spent 1.5 years at Asana before joining this start-up.  I took all of that into account in thinking through how I wanted to show up during this interview and the angle I was going to take.  I was truly excited to speak with her and expecting a similar positive experience to my first interview.

I log on to the Zoom at the scheduled time.  Two minutes go by, then three.  I check to make sure I have the correct link. Yep, it’s correct! Log back on. Four minutes. At five after, she hops on.  Flustered right out of the gate.  No mention of being late.  When I asked her how she was she said, “I’m sick.  Caught a bug while on vacation. And my day is super busy.”  I tried to make light of it by saying, “I’m sorry to hear that but hey, at least you got sick after vacay versus during!”

She proceeded to begin the interviews by stating that I had already spoken with one person on the team and she had my resume in front of her, but if I could give her a run down of my background.  I said I would be happy to, even though, like why? You just said you have my resume in front of you and I already did this whole thing during my first interview!  I started on with my spiel realizing half way through that I wasn’t giving it as much sparkle as the previous time.  Was I tired of my script? Matching her tone? Who knows.  At any rate, it was apparent that she wasn’t listening to me because she asked a couple questions that proved my suspicion.  

The interview format was the opposite of the last one.  I like to call them “dagger questions” when they just peg you with question after question, without any clarifying comment or digging deeper.  It feels like you are being bombarded versus a conversation.  It feels all take versus take and receive.

With two minutes left in our meeting she states, “Well we have two minutes left so do you have any questions for me?” Hah. Two minutes.  That is hardly enough time to make up for the lack of context I received throughout the interaction.  I would need a lot more than two minutes to feel like I was walking away with a greater understanding of the company and culture than I had before.  But I asked my well thought out, personal, prepared questions and surprise surprise, was met with rote two sentence responses to each.  She ended the interview with a “Well thanks!” and we hung up the line.

It took me a second to process what had just occurred.  I went downstairs to refill my water and my husband greeted me with an upbeat, “How’d he interview go?” To which I replied, “Honestly, if that were a first date, I would not want a second.  I did not feel courted at all.”

Which got me thinking.  Interviewing is so much like dating.  It’s a delicate dance, and an exchange of energy.  It’s not just about if the company wants you but do YOU want the company? So often we (I) forget this part.  The candidate experience matters.

My friend Logan Ury, behavioral science turned dating coach (and previously Director of Relationship Science at Hinge) wrote a bestselling book called “How to Not Die Alone”.  In it, she offers her “Post Date Eight” questions to check in with yourself after a date to see how you feel afterwards, how that person made you feel.

This has inspired me to create my own set of “Post Date Eight” questions to ask myself after an interview for the same reason.  Long gone are the days of neglecting my own feelings and intuition in an effort to be “liked” and “wanted”.  How I feel about them is just as (if not more) important than how they feel about me.

So here it is.  Take what you like and ditch what you don’t.  Feel free to make your own list even if mine doesn’t feel right to you.

1. How did that interview/interviewer make me FEEL?
2. How was my body language during that interview? How was the interviewer’s body language and did I find myself trying to mirror them?
3. Do I feel like I represented myself authentically? Am I pleased with the way I showed up?
4. Are there any questions that were asked that threw me for a loop? If I could go back and answer those now, what would I have said or done differently?
5. What am I grateful for about that interaction?
6. What did I learn about the company that I didn’t know before the interview?
7. What questions do I have that still remain?
8. At this juncture, do I want to learn more? Do I want to continue my conversations with them?  If this were a “first date” would I want a second?

I hope this helps someone to remember their self-worth and agency when interviewing and also approach each interaction as a learning experience and opportunity to improve.  Stand in your power and own your shit. How the interviewer/company presents itself is on them, but it’s important to take note.  Nothing is a waste of time if it gets us one step closer to our desired outcome.  In the meantime, learn to enjoy the process.

With gratitude,

The Layoff Queen